Catnip Is For LosersOne Cat`s Viewpoint

It is approximately 12 hours before I go in for life-threatening, major surgery. I do not know what is being “fixed,” exactly. But whatever is in need of repair, tomorrow will not come soon enough.  I am going stark, raving mad.

I am wandering the hallways and yowling. I want to go outside, but do not know why. I sit on the bathroom counter and stare at the walls. I attack anything that moves… usually, the Girl Who Feeds Me. An involuntary cat toy, she has become. I climb on the furniture… I crawl under the furniture. I bite the furniture! Go figure…

I really have hit bottom, and here’s how bad it is…. I sneak into the bedroom of the Girl Who Has Catpan Duty and steal her “Polly Pocket” doll accessories… you know, the squishy little rubber hats and dresses and pocketbooks? I bring them downstairs to the slick kitchen floor and bat them around until the GWHCD takes them away.

Egad! A “manly man” like me…. reduced to playing with dolls! I am so ashamed…. and yet, weirdly excited.

Oh yeah…. and sometimes, I have gas.

The Big Guy has taken away the food bowl. The countdown has begun. Say a prayer for me, okay?

For the past two or three weeks, I have had a strange desire to flee from my Humans’ abode and explore the world. So far, my howling has only resulted in the Big Guy letting me run around in the garage.

I jump up and grab the doorframes. I have bloodied the arms of the Big Guy with bold sneak attacks while he works. I leap out to attack the legs of the Girl With Catpan duty. Last night, I chased the Girl Who Feeds Me.

I have an appointment with the doc next week to figure out what’s going on. ‘Cause I feel weird. Crazy weird.

Really. I don’t. So hundreds of Humans gather in the cold morning air to watch a groundhog step out of his house to check the weather? It was 33 degrees this morning! Doesn’t anybody watch The Weather Channel?

I will have to give this more thought. Back to sleep for me… it’s WAY too early for deep contemplation.

The Yellow River Game Ranch in Lilburn, Georgia