Catnip Is For LosersOne Cat`s Viewpoint

Yeah, I’ve been on some pretty high-powered, extremely experimental and crazy dangerous medication for the past week. This stuff is so toxic that the Big Guy has to wash his hands after sticking a pill down my throat twice a day.

The meds have apparently worked; at least, temporarily. My voice has come back; I am no longer blowing snot all over the place with every sneeze; and the gum rot has subsided. My energy has returned… I can now jump to the kitchen counters; and when I hit the litter pan I…. well, never mind.

It was `touch and go` there for a little while. There was talk about putting me under the knife to `fix` me… so, you know it’s got to be bad when they’re talking surgery.

The Humans at the vet clinic today were very nice, although a bit sneaky. While I kept my eye on the Nurse With the Cold Thermometer, the cold thermometer came from another direction, this time in the hands of the Lady in the Long White Coat.

After prying and poking at my mouth, she declared that the deadly disease had been beaten back but not defeated. It was an incredibly exhausting examination, so the Nurse With the Cold Thermometer let me rest for a minute until I could recoup my strength.

I will be off the medication for a week or two to see how things go, but apparently the prognosis is good.

P.S.: The Lady in the Long  White Coat is really nice… as long as you don’t say anything about a high temp….

I could have written this article in The Guardian. After all, I am the true expert on this topic. It’s true… naps make you smarter. That’s why I am a genius.

A nap of 60 minutes improves alertness for up to 10 hours. Research on pilots shows that a 26-minute "Nasa" nap in flight (while the plane is manned by a copilot) enhanced performance by 34% and overall alertness by 54%. One Harvard study published last year showed that a 45-minute nap improves learning and memory. Napping reduces stress and lowers the risk of heart attack and stroke, diabetes, and excessive weight gain.

Napping: the expert’s guide | Life and style | The Guardian

I went to see my doctor a couple of days ago for my booster shots. The Human nurse (I will call her `The Nurse With the Cold Thermometer`) checked my temp, with no warning, right there in front of God and everybody. A word of advice to the Nurse With the Cold Thermometer– how about running a little warm water over that thing first? A heat lamp… bunsen burner… something!

Then the doc– a dude this time– poked and prodded and squeezed until I was about to puke.

Just my luck… it is “Pet Dental Month” at the Eastside Animal Medical Center. Apparently, I have Cat Gingivitis. The doc said that it could account for my exceptionally bad breath which, I admit, has really been hummin’ lately. It has been so bad at times, the Big Guy thought that I had bad gas. And while I do let a little noxious indiscretion slip occasionally, my breath has been kickin’.

So the Big Guy has been jamming pills down my throat every morning and evening in the hopes that the meds will clear up my rotting gums. I go back in a week for a check-up.

This is too much drama for a youngster like me. Apparently, the condition can be genetic, which might explain why my brother and sister have also been polluting the atmosphere with every breath, I hear.

On a positive note, I gained a little over a pound since my first vet visit. Life is good. Time for a nap.

Really. I don’t. So hundreds of Humans gather in the cold morning air to watch a groundhog step out of his house to check the weather? It was 33 degrees this morning! Doesn’t anybody watch The Weather Channel?

I will have to give this more thought. Back to sleep for me… it’s WAY too early for deep contemplation.

The Yellow River Game Ranch in Lilburn, Georgia

Some Humans say that cats are useless. I say some cats are useless. Some Humans are useless, but that’s a very long blog post for another day.

I have a brother who is grossly overweight. He obviously gets no exercise at all, laying about all day as if he had no responsibilities. I, on the other hand, am very active and helpful around the house; thus, my incredibly svelte figure and to-die-for muscle tone.

Here is a photo of me helping with the laundry. I also keep the top of the computer monitor dusted. Once daily, I move useless clutter– pens, paperclips, papers, etc.– from the Big Guy’s desk to the floor where it can be collected and removed. For some reason, he just puts it back on the desk. At least, I am doing my fair share to keep things in order.

Okay…. something weird just happened which will move this article into the category of `Funny Human Tricks`… the Girl Who Feeds Me just lifted my tail toward the Big Guy and said, in her `cat voice`: “Hey there, dude!”

I am sorry, but I fail to see the humor in making my rear end look like it’s talking but, hey, I am not a Human. I do not claim to understand them; I just keep them around for amusement.

If you parked your furry rear end in front of the TV last evening for my acting debut, you already know that my award-winning performance fell victim to the censors. The Big Guy got plenty of air time, but I was nowhere to be seen.

I could brood about the Man keeping the feline down, but I won’t… even though I did overcome a bit of depression by taking a long nap.

Fame is like a bad itch… so elusive.

On a more positive note, I have decided to name my newest Human “The Girl Who Sleeps.” I swear, she has got to be part cat. Or a relative, ’cause that sister can snooze.