I am wandering the hallways and yowling. I want to go outside, but do not know why. I sit on the bathroom counter and stare at the walls. I attack anything that moves… usually, the Girl Who Feeds Me. An involuntary cat toy, she has become. I climb on the furniture… I crawl under the furniture. I bite the furniture! Go figure…

I really have hit bottom, and here’s how bad it is…. I sneak into the bedroom of the Girl Who Has Catpan Duty and steal her “Polly Pocket” doll accessories… you know, the squishy little rubber hats and dresses and pocketbooks? I bring them downstairs to the slick kitchen floor and bat them around until the GWHCD takes them away.

Egad! A “manly man” like me…. reduced to playing with dolls! I am so ashamed…. and yet, weirdly excited.

Oh yeah…. and sometimes, I have gas.

The Big Guy has taken away the food bowl. The countdown has begun. Say a prayer for me, okay?