Catnip Is For LosersOne Cat`s Viewpoint

I could have written this article in The Guardian. After all, I am the true expert on this topic. It’s true… naps make you smarter. That’s why I am a genius.

A nap of 60 minutes improves alertness for up to 10 hours. Research on pilots shows that a 26-minute "Nasa" nap in flight (while the plane is manned by a copilot) enhanced performance by 34% and overall alertness by 54%. One Harvard study published last year showed that a 45-minute nap improves learning and memory. Napping reduces stress and lowers the risk of heart attack and stroke, diabetes, and excessive weight gain.

Napping: the expert’s guide | Life and style | The Guardian

Some Humans say that cats are useless. I say some cats are useless. Some Humans are useless, but that’s a very long blog post for another day.

I have a brother who is grossly overweight. He obviously gets no exercise at all, laying about all day as if he had no responsibilities. I, on the other hand, am very active and helpful around the house; thus, my incredibly svelte figure and to-die-for muscle tone.

Here is a photo of me helping with the laundry. I also keep the top of the computer monitor dusted. Once daily, I move useless clutter– pens, paperclips, papers, etc.– from the Big Guy’s desk to the floor where it can be collected and removed. For some reason, he just puts it back on the desk. At least, I am doing my fair share to keep things in order.

Okay…. something weird just happened which will move this article into the category of `Funny Human Tricks`… the Girl Who Feeds Me just lifted my tail toward the Big Guy and said, in her `cat voice`: “Hey there, dude!”

I am sorry, but I fail to see the humor in making my rear end look like it’s talking but, hey, I am not a Human. I do not claim to understand them; I just keep them around for amusement.

If you parked your furry rear end in front of the TV last evening for my acting debut, you already know that my award-winning performance fell victim to the censors. The Big Guy got plenty of air time, but I was nowhere to be seen.

I could brood about the Man keeping the feline down, but I won’t… even though I did overcome a bit of depression by taking a long nap.

Fame is like a bad itch… so elusive.

On a more positive note, I have decided to name my newest Human “The Girl Who Sleeps.” I swear, she has got to be part cat. Or a relative, ’cause that sister can snooze.

A wise cat once said, “Meow.” Okay, just joking. A wiser cat once awoke from a nap and said, “You gotta adapt.” I don’t know what it means, but it sounds smart. It’s kinda like, “If you snooze, you lose,” only without the rhyme.

Anyway, I quickly discovered that the top of a computer monitor is a great place to take a nap. Those things give off the heat! I have enjoyed many a dream-filled repose since I discovered the top side of the Dell M991.

In fact, I have become a bit of a monitor connoisseur. Rule #1 — stay away from flat panels; you can get hurt. Permanent wedgy, I tell you. Rule #2 — get a grip. I tend to move a lot in my sleep; on a 8-inch-wide perch with a 10-degree downslope, I find myself on the floor or wedged between the wall and the credenza quite often.

Rule #3 — don’t overdo it. With triple-digit temps and after hours of snuggly goodness, I occasionally find my nethery regions singed and in need of a soothing salve. Too much of a good thing is… well, good; but you know what I mean. Employ some “monitor moderation;” at least, until you build up your tolerance.

Time for a nap.

I know that I haven’t posted in a while… I have been feeling a little under the weather. I have another vet appointment next week, but I am already feeling better.

The new Human is working out just fine. I guess if she’s going to stay, I need to give her a name. I will have to think about it for a while; she’s an odd one.

Back to sleep.

There’s a new Human coming to stay with us for a while. Nobody asked me first, but she seems okay. We’ll see how it goes. I just don’t want the situation to get out of hand… too many Humans can be a really bad thing.

On a positive note, the Big Guy moved his office to free up some space for the new Human. I insisted on a spot up high with a view of the outdoors. I don’t get out much, but it’s essential to keep up with what’s going on.

Here’s a pic of me in my new spot. It’s nice, but I may need a heating pad. It’s gonna be a cold winter, I hear.